think.feel.live.love.

Video

feel good song.

i haven’t felt so inadequate and so unappreciated in such a long time. 

put myself first for once? ugh. so hard. 

i can’t

see

i can’t

just

i can’t

can you run your fingers down my back?

please

i’m trying to do it myself

but

i can’t

Listen to the song

while fucking on the fire escape

over looking the streets of west 49

INCORRECT

andrisland:

somewheredowndroad:

i can never succeed at making people happy.
i’m a fail. 

you’re entirely wrong, baby girl (criminal minds reference).

firstly, you’re wrong to you the word never, ever. you should know better.

secondly let me tell you the last time I can personally attest you made someone happy:

you know that thing we celebrate every year, my birthday?

its the one where i laud the seasons for the longest day of the year and insist on 151?

the one where for years i’ve been always in a funk for despite my cheery disposition year round?

well, let me tell you something.

this year was no different.

the longest day of the year approached, and so did my funk (not to be confused with the alternate funk i experience as a white boy playing music).

and you know what i didnt need to do to feel better?

i didn’t need to check the mail to hope for a letter (yes, i actually check for mail because i’m old school and appreciate it),

i didn’t need to look at my phone at midnight to hope for that first text or phone call,

i didn’t need to check facebook for that flood of digital birthday wishes,

no, you know what i needed to do to make me feel better?

i looked up at midnight and found myself surrounded by people, like you, with a shotglass in hand and a smile on their face.

and let me tell you, that can make anybody’s night.

and it wouldn’t have happened without you.

Andrew, you have a way of leaving me without words. after reading this, i am once again speechless. <3 thank you.

i can never succeed at making people happy.
i’m a fail. 

it’s so hard when i remember about a million times a day that you won’t be at graduation. hear them call my name. watch me walk across the stage. 

tonight, i saw an uncle of mine. he’s more of a family friend who i only really see when another uncle of mine comes to new york. anyways, he reminds me so much of my dad. the way he looks, talks, acts. everytime i see him, i want to cry. not sure if they’re happy tears or sad tears. i think it’s a mixture of both. 

even though we were celebrating another person’s graduation, this uncle of mine always made it a point to celebrate me. “this is for trisha…” is what he would constantly say throughout the night. it’s almost as if my dad was there. it felt really nice… that even for a second, i had my dad there. 

it’s hard for others to understand what this meant to me with such a big day coming up. my heart hurts to know i won’t see my dad in the audience. it hurts so much that i can’t stop the tears right now. but i know he loves me. i know he’s proud. i know he’s there.

anyways, i really needed to just get that out.thanks for reading this if you did. if you didn’t that’s ok also.

goodnight tumblr. 

Photo

andrisland:

lolol i know how you feel

mmmmhmmmmm. 

(Source: thingsthatmakeyouhorny)

i will always remember how proud he was of his daughter. He spoke of her often…

someone from ABC wrote this in a letter to my mom a couple days after my dad passed away. I found this while going through some of my things. it wasn’t until i read this, that i began to understand what i meant to him. it’s funny, you don’t stop to think of how much you really mean to someone on a daily basis. you think you know someone loves you, but you don’t really understand how much. this is exactly how i feel about my dad. his love for me was in every hug, i love you, phone call, goodnight, good morning, have a good day. i always knew my dad loved me. i just didn’t understand it. on the day of my dad’s funeral, my aunt told me i was his world. his world. that’s everything. i was everything to him. 

i came across other letters and sympathy cards that people from ABC sent. i read things like he was a “cheerful presence” at ABC as well as he “brightened up ABC.” People called my dad a true gentleman, always with a smile on his face. this is how he will always be remembered by them. i think that’s beautiful. my dad may not have lived a long life but he lived. he left an impression on people that will last forever. I AM PROUD OF HIM.  

it’s been nearly 5 years without the man i call dad. i graduated high school and i’m about to graduate college. i could not have done this without him. at my sweet 16, i called him my guiding light. now, he is my angel. on earth, he let people know how proud he was of me. in heaven, i hope i am still making his just as proud. 

i miss you, dad. words can never explain how much you mean to me. i hope that you understand my love for you. i hope you are resting. peacefully. until we meet again… in my dreams and in heaven. love you.